Why it sucks to be a good listener sometimes...

I'd like to think of myself as being a very good listener. If you want to talk and need someone to listen to your ramblings....I'm just that person. I'll listen. I'll nod my head in sympathetic agreement to all the horribleness that is your life. After you've finished talking, I'll even give a few words of encouragement.



They say listening is a skill. I don't remember ever learning how to be a good listener. I think it just comes natural to me, me being an introvert and a people-pleaser and all. I have alot of friends that are very talkative. I sometimes wonder if that is because they are drawn to me because I am a good listener. I know that when I want to talk, I seek out the person that will listen to what I have to say without interrupting.....and might I add, it's usually not one of my talkative friends. Why? Because they tend to interrupt me to put in their two cents.



I think my listening skills are also what makes my patients want to continuing enrolling in my studies. I have several patients that I've been working with for many years. One patient, in fact, tells me that coming to see me is better than going to see her therapist. Why? Because I listen to her without interruption. Now, I do have to draw the line sometimes. There are people in this world that have a need to talk just to talk. The words that come out of their mouth have absolutely no relevance whatsoever. They are just rambling...whether it be nervous rambling about stupid stuff like the neighbors wife walking across the street to get a newspaper, or just rambling because to them silence is scary. In these cases, I will usually pipe up and cut them off if I need to hurry up and get them on their way (though it's hard for me...I don't want to be rude). These individuals, however, may also consider me to be a good listener...but they are mistaken....I simply tuned them out. :) I'll listen to key words that may be relevant to information I need to obtain for my job, but otherwise, I've tuned them out entirely.



Why does it suck to be a good listener sometimes? It's because usually when someone is looking to be listened to, it's to talk about negative events occurring in their life. I hear all kinds of negative stories every day. Part of that is because I work in the medical field and the first question I have to ask my patients is "Have you had any health problems since I saw you last?" There are some people that feel like that have to tell you they had a health problem. For example, the cab driver that told me about how his thumb hurt.....but only when he hit it against stuff. You may think he was being funny....but I'm serious when I say he was being serious! I had to bite my tongue on that one! Hearing some of their stories of hardships, though, does make me appreciate what I have.

It also sucks to be a good listener sometimes because there are some very talkative people out there. But maybe it's more on my part of not wanting to be rude and interrupt than it is being a good listener. I can't tell you the countless number of times I've found myself trapped in a one-sided conversation that I can't figure out how to get out of. A first date is a perfect example. You're on this date and the purpose is to get to know each other. However, this person is a talker. Not just any talker....but a talker that could talk to a brick wall. This type of person exasperates me....yet amazes me at the same time. What amazes me about them is the fact that they are completely unaware of the body language that I am giving off. The body language that exhibits a complete lack of disinterest.....body language that says very clearly "please shoot me and put me out of my misery!" It also amazes me at the amount of complete BS they can come up with to talk about! I think there are alot of people out there that just like to hear themselves talk! There have been a countless number of times I'd be listening to someone ramble on about completely irrelevant small talk bull and in my head I am imagining myself beating my head against the wall. I hate small talk. I had a patient, in fact, who was the king of small talk! He not only would talk, he would close his eyes during his ramblings....thus making it impossible for him to pick up on any non-verbal body language. And in this situation, I was kind of trapped because the testing I had to conduct had several minutes of downtime in between each test. I must say....it was with this patient I learned my "tune them out" skill. :)

Well, anyhow, enough of my own rambling BS. If you have something you want to talk about and it is something important and relevant to your life....something that means something to you and is near and dear to your heart; something you are sad about or excited about...I am all ears. I want to listen to you. I want to be the sympathic ear you can turn to...the person that will just listen and let you get it out....or the person to congratulate you and share in your joy! But if you just want to talk to talk.....I'll find you a chair and a brick wall.....and you can have at it....and don't mind me any attention....I'm used to beating my head against that wall!