Its a hair thing

Ok, so I had intended to let my hair be the way God intended it to be...and I did really good for 5 days, but God did give us free will....and I chose to use that by the 6th day. I did like how it looked to an extent, but I just like it better when it's straight. I think maybe it's because I don't like things being messy and it felt like it was messy when it was curly. Or maybe it's just because I really don't know how to fix it when it's curly because I've straightened it for so long. Regardless, I think the change is just out of my scope of ability right now. This was a drastic change for me. I admire people that can go from really long hair to chopping it off for really short hair. If I asked my hair dresser to do that, she would think I was on drugs. I've been going to the same hair dresser for 10 years...she knows that every eight weeks, we are just trimming it up, maybe cutting an inch, but no more than that! I love her for it! Yeah, I know that blow drying and using a flat iron damage my hair, blah, blah, blah. Oh well.....such is life.

What I'm working towards

Ok....yes, this is another lengthy and rambling blog....I hope you've got a few minutes....

So here's the main goal I am working towards.....I'd like to be able to compete in a figure competition. Now, I'm saying I'd like to be ABLE to, not that I am planning to. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. First things first....I really have to focus on my diet and exercise. I am trying to eat less than 2000 calories on the days I wake up at 4am and go to bed at 10pm and between 1500 to 1800 calories on the days I can sleep a little bit later. I am also lifting weights 5-6 days a week and doing about 45 minutes of cardio 5-6 days a week (well....45 minutes or until I've burned about 300 calories). I think I'm going about it in a very reasonable way.

Probably the most obvious thing people notice is my eating habits. I do count calories on most days of the week by using the website http://www.sparkpeople.com/. I really like the convenience of calorie tracking. Since I sit at a computer all day at work, it's pretty easy to keep track. I plan out almost all of my meals....especially on work days. Now, I do give in to temptation sometimes...but I tend to feel guilty afterward because I know it's not going to help me reach my goal.

When I talk to people that don't understand my goal, I usually get alot of slack about being on a "diet." Well, I'm not on a diet. I'm not trying to lose weight in order to look thin....I'm trying to lose body fat and build muscle. I want to have a muscular, yet feminine build. I set out a poundage goal just to have a number....a measureable goal. I know that as I build muscle, I may not reach that goal because muscle weighs more than fat. Up until today, I weighed myself everyday....but I've decided to cut that down to once a week.

After many years of working on my diet, I've developed the habit of eating small meals 5 to 6 times a day.....basically every three hours. Actually, now-a-days, due to my food choices, I am usually starving about 2 1/2 hours after each meal. I try to plan each of the meals to be around 300 calories. However, even if they are more than 300 calories (which lunch usually is), I'm still usually hungry by the 3 hour mark.

Today was the first day I truly planned out each meal carefully. For breakfast, I had a bowl of Quinoa flakes with a banana. My second breakfast was a high fiber English muffin with almond butter. My lunch was a 200 calorie Lean Cuisine meal and a 110 calorie yogurt. My afternoon snack was macadamia nuts (1/4 cup) and 2 egg whites. My preworkout snack was a 200 calorie high protein shake and a 110 calorie Quaker Chewy granola bar (with protein). After my workout, I drank a whey protein shake. For dinner, I had grilled salmon and vegetables. Overall, I consumed around 1900 calories today. Today was a good day!

One of the challenges I run into most often is at work. Working in a doctors office, we get lunch catered alot. I can questimate the calorie content of the foods, but I prefer to have an actual number. Tuesday, I gave in and ate the Maggianos....but I wished I wouldn't have afterward. Today, though, I resisted. I wanted to try out my plan. It was kind of hard to resist because it was sandwiches from Potbelly. Sandwiches aren't that bad, but I didn't want to have to guess the calorie count. I did run into hearing some slack about skipping the catered meal, though. Someone said "Oh come on Kelly, you don't need to be on a diet." Which, actually, I hear alot! Why is it if you are already somewhat lean, your weight goal is no longer supported? If someone is working towards a goal, shouldn't you support them in their efforts? Congratulate them on the good choices they are making to reach their goal? If I weighed 300 pounds and I skipped the catered meal for a Lean Cuisine, I'd probably be admired for my will power. But, since I weigh 130 pounds, it's not will power, it's an obsession with my weight for choosing the Lean Cuisine.

I understand that most people don't or can't comprehend the goal I have set for myself. Sometimes I don't even know why it's something I've wanted to achieve for so long. I'm sure it's something that stems from being overweight in high school...maybe proving to myself that I can do it. Maybe to some extent it is an obsession with my weight. But then again, our society as a whole is obsessed with weight....so how am I any different? I still struggle with food choices just like everyone else....I'm just about 50 steps ahead of most.

I have male friends at my gym that compete in figure competitions. I'm sure they get alot of slack, too. Granted some of it is vanity, but in order to achieve a body that is competition worthy, you are fighting against one of your greatest competitiors....your own will power! When I think about one of the reasons I'd like to get there, I always think "I'd like to see the true body that God gave me." I don't think that when God created us, he intended for us to be fat and lazy and weigh 400 pounds. Look at the statue of David....why is that statue so famous? And besides, I'm not going about it in an unhealthy way. I'm eating more than most people that go on a diet and don't exercise!

Anyhow....in carrying on with the "I'd like to see the true body that God gave me," it inspired me to give in and go with a new hairstyle. I decided that I will go with the hairstyle that God gave me....which is curly. Up until Tuesday night, I had never been seen with my hair curly. I have straightened my hair for as long as I can remember. When I went to work this morning, many people were in shock that the curls I had were natural. Granted, I will still straighten my hair on occasion because I love it straight, but I intend to let my hair be the style that was so graciously given to me. I truly believe that God knows what he is doing....so who am I to question Him?

Why it sucks to be a good listener sometimes...

I'd like to think of myself as being a very good listener. If you want to talk and need someone to listen to your ramblings....I'm just that person. I'll listen. I'll nod my head in sympathetic agreement to all the horribleness that is your life. After you've finished talking, I'll even give a few words of encouragement.



They say listening is a skill. I don't remember ever learning how to be a good listener. I think it just comes natural to me, me being an introvert and a people-pleaser and all. I have alot of friends that are very talkative. I sometimes wonder if that is because they are drawn to me because I am a good listener. I know that when I want to talk, I seek out the person that will listen to what I have to say without interrupting.....and might I add, it's usually not one of my talkative friends. Why? Because they tend to interrupt me to put in their two cents.



I think my listening skills are also what makes my patients want to continuing enrolling in my studies. I have several patients that I've been working with for many years. One patient, in fact, tells me that coming to see me is better than going to see her therapist. Why? Because I listen to her without interruption. Now, I do have to draw the line sometimes. There are people in this world that have a need to talk just to talk. The words that come out of their mouth have absolutely no relevance whatsoever. They are just rambling...whether it be nervous rambling about stupid stuff like the neighbors wife walking across the street to get a newspaper, or just rambling because to them silence is scary. In these cases, I will usually pipe up and cut them off if I need to hurry up and get them on their way (though it's hard for me...I don't want to be rude). These individuals, however, may also consider me to be a good listener...but they are mistaken....I simply tuned them out. :) I'll listen to key words that may be relevant to information I need to obtain for my job, but otherwise, I've tuned them out entirely.



Why does it suck to be a good listener sometimes? It's because usually when someone is looking to be listened to, it's to talk about negative events occurring in their life. I hear all kinds of negative stories every day. Part of that is because I work in the medical field and the first question I have to ask my patients is "Have you had any health problems since I saw you last?" There are some people that feel like that have to tell you they had a health problem. For example, the cab driver that told me about how his thumb hurt.....but only when he hit it against stuff. You may think he was being funny....but I'm serious when I say he was being serious! I had to bite my tongue on that one! Hearing some of their stories of hardships, though, does make me appreciate what I have.

It also sucks to be a good listener sometimes because there are some very talkative people out there. But maybe it's more on my part of not wanting to be rude and interrupt than it is being a good listener. I can't tell you the countless number of times I've found myself trapped in a one-sided conversation that I can't figure out how to get out of. A first date is a perfect example. You're on this date and the purpose is to get to know each other. However, this person is a talker. Not just any talker....but a talker that could talk to a brick wall. This type of person exasperates me....yet amazes me at the same time. What amazes me about them is the fact that they are completely unaware of the body language that I am giving off. The body language that exhibits a complete lack of disinterest.....body language that says very clearly "please shoot me and put me out of my misery!" It also amazes me at the amount of complete BS they can come up with to talk about! I think there are alot of people out there that just like to hear themselves talk! There have been a countless number of times I'd be listening to someone ramble on about completely irrelevant small talk bull and in my head I am imagining myself beating my head against the wall. I hate small talk. I had a patient, in fact, who was the king of small talk! He not only would talk, he would close his eyes during his ramblings....thus making it impossible for him to pick up on any non-verbal body language. And in this situation, I was kind of trapped because the testing I had to conduct had several minutes of downtime in between each test. I must say....it was with this patient I learned my "tune them out" skill. :)

Well, anyhow, enough of my own rambling BS. If you have something you want to talk about and it is something important and relevant to your life....something that means something to you and is near and dear to your heart; something you are sad about or excited about...I am all ears. I want to listen to you. I want to be the sympathic ear you can turn to...the person that will just listen and let you get it out....or the person to congratulate you and share in your joy! But if you just want to talk to talk.....I'll find you a chair and a brick wall.....and you can have at it....and don't mind me any attention....I'm used to beating my head against that wall!

GYM "REGULARS"

This is the worst time of the year for us gym "regulars".

Yes....I admit, I am one of "the regulars". You'll catch me at the gym a minimum of four days a week, but usually six days a week. The past few months have been great! I go during the busiest time. The time period from 5 to 7 pm M-F and 11am to 12pm Saturday. Why have the past few months been great? Because during the months of October, November, and December, it's mostly us "regulars" that you see. There is always a treadmill or stairmaster available. If someone is using the weight machine you need, they are more than willing to let you work in. If they were on a piece of equipment you want, they might even be kind enough to wipe their sweat off before you use it. I find that it's the "regulars" that are typically the friendliest people at the gym. But maybe that's because I'm one of them.

I have my "gym" friends. These are the people I have known and talked to for several years. I know quite a bit about them...and they know quite a bit about me. However, our contact is strictly limited to the gym. There is my good friend Dwayne. I met Dwayne about 5 years ago. I heard him talking about working for JCPenney. I piped in that I owned JCPenney stock....thus, he worked for me! From there, a friendship developed. Dwayne and I currently have a weight loss competition going. Of course, we always have had some type of competition going on. Then there is Louis. He competed in his first body building competition a few months ago. He looks incredible for a man of 50! I admire his drive and discipline and have hopes to experience that same drive and discipline to achieve my goal of doing a figure competition someday. Then there is Louis' wife, Sherry. Sherry and I could chat for hours on end. She is 45 years old . I pray that I look as good as she does when I am her age!!! Then, of course, there are the people that I know their names, and say "hi" to, but never really stop to talk to....but it's always nice to see them.

One of the good things about being one of the "regulars" is that when you miss a few days, they notice. The next time they see you, they ask "where have you been?" It's also nice because it's the "regulars" that understand why I eat the way I eat and work out the way I work out. Sherry and I were talking the other day, in fact, about how we get ridiculed when we talk about trying to shed some weight. Sherry understands where I'm coming from and what my goal is, so it's nice to talk to someone that shares my interests.

Of course, there does come a down side to being a regular which I have recently taken note of. Since I am at the gym all the time and see many of the same people each day, you do tend to notice when some people watch you. If I notice someone has been watching me and they smile at me alot but won't ever say anything to me...and this goes on for weeks, I'll usually say "Hi" to break the barrier. Sometimes I'll even ask their name and chat with them a little. That way, instead of just watching, they can actually say "Hi Kelly." Sometimes this leads to a new friendship....sometimes it leads to a new person to just say "Hi" to. Recently, though, this friendliness has come back to bite me in the butt! An older guy, we'll call him Larry, I think has mistaken my friendliness for interest. The day I met Larry, he admitted to me how he stares at me, but stated he can't help it...his eyes are just drawn to me. I didn't know what to say, so I smiled and walked away. He now has taken to the role of "complimenter." I don't know what his game plan is, but he compliments me non-stop. I was on the floor stretching, eyes facing the ground, when I noticed a pair of feet standing next to me. After a few minutes, I finally looked up and it was Larry. He complimented me on how flexible I am, how good I look, etc, etc., etc. Less than 10 minutes later, when I was at the water fountain, I turned around....and there was Larry. Again, complimenting how I look good from all angles. So, needless to say, Larry is starting to creep me out.

Anyhow, back to the main topic! This is the worst time of year for us regulars. Why? It's because of those "New Years Resolutioners!" It's inevitable...the first Monday of the new year, the gym is PACKED with the "New Years Resolutioners!" They take up all the cardio equipment! They don't know proper gym etiquitte! And worst of all....they have no idea what they are doing on the weight floor! Oh if only I could easily go up to one of them and say "NO! You're going to hurt yourself doing it that way! Use less weight so you can use the proper form!" As much as I want to help, I wonder if it would be worth my time in the end....they'll probably stop coming in a few weeks anyhow. If they truly wanted to know what to do, they'd take advantage of the Personal Trainers.

As much as I want to applaud the "New Years Resolutioners" for starting their new year off on the right foot, it's bittersweet because I know that eventually they will return to their old sedentary ways. We "regulars" see it every year. It's during this time of year that you may not see the "regulars" that often. No, it's not because they stopped working out....it's because they are trying to avoid those "New Years Resolutioners." It's during this time of year that you may see the "regulars" give each other a certain look......a look that we all recognize as "Those damn New Years Resolutioners are taking up all the equipment!"

We "regulars" know the drill. January will be the most packed month at the gym...and it will stay packed for at least the next month and half. Around mid to late February, the crowd will start dying down. By March and April, it will be an even lighter crowd....and by summer, it will be back to normal....back to the "regulars."

I'm proud to be one of the "regulars!"

GOALS

After being pressured by a good friend into creating a blog, I caved into the pressure. I had no idea what to blog about. My life consists of working, working out, and trying to have some type of social life. I can't talk about work without violating HIPPA. I can't really talk about my crazy dating life (although close friends and coworkers always get the scoop). So, I decided to talk about two things that are near and dear to my heart.....two things I think about constantly....food and working out. Don't misunderstand me...I am by no means anorexic, nor am I bulimic. Sometimes I wish I could be bulimic after consuming half a pizza....but that's not in my nature. My thoughts of food include counting calories, always trying to find healthy, low calorie food choices, searching for high protein foods, and figuring out how to resist temptations.

I titled this first blog GOALS. What is a goal? Why have a goal? To me, a goal is something to strive for. Something that will improve your current situation. A wish. Something you want, but aren't exactly sure how to go about getting it. Something to keep the mind focused on while life happens.

Why have a goal? It's something that helps get you out of bed each day. Sometimes its a source of great pleasure, but also can be a source of disappointment and failure.

I think that everyone should have a goal....at least one! There are no right or wrong goals. If you are working towards a goal, it is because it is what YOU want....not what someone else wants (or at least it should be). Who cares what other people think about your goal! It's yours, not theirs!

My goal.....well, one of my many goals.....is one I rarely tell. Why? Fear. Fear of failure. Fear of ridicule. Fear of being considered vain. Fear of actually reaching my goal. If I reach my goal, then what? Regardless of what the fear is....fear is at the root of why I have failed to achieve my goal thus far. And I think, deep down, that same fear is the driving force behind why so many people fail to achieve their goals as well.